Two strings of drool dangle from Fern’s jowls as she watches pedestrians pass us on the sidewalk. She pants with her tongue poking out, and whenever something catches her attention, she closes her mouth, cocks her head, and observes curiously with the pink tip of her tongue still visible. Once her curiosity is satisfied, she returns to panting and lays down with a sigh. An afternoon well spent.
I have two dogs — Luna, a small Havanese-Shih Tzu mix, and Fern, a three-year-old Newfoundland puppy. While Luna is just as neurotic and anxious as me (is this because she’s a Virgo, a fellow earth sign?), Fern is the happiest, most chill creature I have ever met.
After a particularly bad bout of depression and anxiety (thanks, PNW winters), I decided to put down my motivational books, close my meditation apps, and set aside my ego to learn how to be content and happy from the only being I’ve ever known to embody this nearly all day, every day: Fern.
So here are a few of my favorite lessons from Fern.
Lesson Number 1: Listen to Your Body
When we became a two-dog household, one of the biggest lessons I learned was to start watching the nonverbal signals of my dogs. Luna, often anxious, will drop her tail when she’s tired or grumpy, and that means we need to give her extra space. Fern, on the other hand, enters what we call her “Scorpion Mode”, where her tail curls up over her back when she’s in a rebellious mood. Scorpion Mode almost always results in something breaking.
From watching their cues, I began to realize that they are also listening to their bodies in a way that I, a desk-bound 30-something with a never-ending list of obligations, never do.
For example, when Luna and Fern play, they will get more and more agitated, but before it reaches the point of breaking out into a full-blown fight, one of them will pause, take a step back, and shake it off to calm their nervous system. The other will almost always immediately follow suit, and their play returns to a fun level of joy rather than stress.
Takeaway:
Give your body a break. When you start to feel your blood pressure rise or tension building in your forehead, shake it off. Yes, literally shaking your whole body helps, but if you can’t do that, at least shake out your arms and stretch your neck.
Lesson Number 2: Always Ask for What You Want or Need
At least once a week, I’ll be cutting carrots or washing blueberries for a meal, and warm, wet breath will brush against my hand followed by the gentle touch of a nose. Fern loves carrots and berries, and she takes every opportunity to remind me that I owe her a bite (and Luna too).
Fruits and veggies aside, she also will bark at us when she needs to go outside or when she simply wants to be pet. She never worries about being “too needy” or a burden — she simply tells us what she needs and expects us to provide.
Takeaway:
Be direct and to the point about what will help you in a moment. Especially when dealing with anxiety and depression, it’s easy to turn inward and not speak up about what you need to get better. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
Lesson Number 3: Approach Each Moment with Curiosity and Confidence
There are few places we go where Fern won’t lunge off the trail to stick her head into a hole, puddle, or bush to investigate what’s inside. Sure, she sometimes walks away with a face full of brambles, but she jumps into the unknown situation with the curiosity and confidence that it will be worth any pain.
Whether it’s chasing a seagull into the water or digging a hole to find clams, Fern always finds something in the present moment to appreciate. She knows that she can get herself out of a tough spot, and if she can’t, that’s why she has us.
Takeaway:
Where possible, examine a familiar object with a state of curiosity. Take a new route home or change your routine. Trust that you will find your way back.
Lesson Number 4: Be Proud and Embrace Yourself
Like all Newfoundlands, Fern drools. When she drinks, the water pours out of her face for at least thirty seconds, and if she puts her head on your leg (which she loves to do), you’ll be covered in slobber, water, and often bits of whatever food she most recently ate.
Yes, Fern is a disgusting mess. Yet, she attracts so much love and joy, that you start to wonder if our world is as superficial as we are led to believe. She can be in her most ugly state — soaking wet, droolstrings hanging, muddy paws — and people will stop to smile and say, “Wow, what a gorgeous dog. Is that a Newfoundland?” On cue, she’ll jump towards them and wrap them (willingly or not) in a loving embrace, that always leaves everyone smiling.
Takeaway:
You’re not perfect, and can sometimes be a mess, but that doesn’t mean you are any less loveable. Give as many messy embraces as you can, and count the smiles they create.
Lesson Number 5: When Someone Doesn’t Like You, Shrug it off
At 116 pounds, Fern is a fluffy monster able to dominate most situations.
Due to her size, many dogs (and people) fear her. She doesn’t let that stop her from trying to say “hello” though, and when she’s greeted with the inevitable growl or jump back in terror, she turns around and continues on with whatever task she was doing before. She never takes it personally.
Takeaway:
You can’t please everyone. Let their discomfort roll off you and keep doing what you need to do. There’s no point in being anxious about who you are and trying to change to accommodate. Just like Fern can’t transform into a Pomeranian, you can’t transform into someone else.
Lesson Number 6: Sigh Often
One of my favorite lessons from my dogs is the glorious joy of a simple sigh.
Countless times each day, one of them will lay down and sigh as they relax for yet another nap.
When I first noticed this, I would laugh at them. “What do you have to sigh about? Is your life really so difficult?”
But then, I realized they were onto something. Every time one of them sighed, I’d sigh in response and feel my anxiety level decrease.
It’s something we all do subconsciously to cope with overwhelm, but adding deliberate sighs to your routine can help bring immediate anxiety relief.
Takeaway:
Sigh often. Add in some deep breathing work where possible.
This post may be lighthearted, but anxiety and depression are not. I know how hard it is to move out of the darkness when everything feels heavy and too much. Sometimes all you can do is turn outside of yourself for guidance and hope, and there are few places more perfect than a cheerful canine. Give your dog an extra hug or pause to say “hello” to one you pass on the street. It just might be the ray of light you need to bring you back to yourself.